Only You
by 0oxymoronic0
Summary: As Akito begins to wake, Kyo has to decide what's real and what's just a nightmare. "I can’t. I can’t pick. But I’m running out of time and I still don’t know what’s real." KyoYuki, HaruKyo sequel to LCITS.
1. Consciousness

**A/N**

**Dedicated to the wonderful Rennie, who without you would not be reading this for a very long time. She came up with the title.**

_**This is a sequel. Please go to my profile to read the first part, called Love Can Ignite the Stars.**_

**Consciousness**

…_.. "Goodbye, kitten."…_

… "_Love you."…_

… "_Don't give up on me now, kitten." …_

… "_There was an accident…"…_

… "_Help him."…_

… "_I'll always be there." …_

* * *

White.

And… it _hurt_.

Around me… nothing made sense.

The sound… squealing brakes… and then pain.

Everything went black as a hand closed around mine.

* * *

"Kyo?"

The voice was so distant, but I grabbed at it, held it, shuddering, trying to get closer? "He's waking up!" Another voice. Softer, rougher. Distant, but oh so close. I tried to reach out to it… but… nothing worked. There was a hand on my forehead. It was cool, and soft, and gentle, and I sank back happily to the blackness.

* * *

This time… everything was bright. Burning. It was searing, hot, clawing, with everything so painfully close and distant it hurt. "Don't go away again! Kyo, stay here with me!"

I tried to, but the breaths I took in were scorching my insides, and there… nothing… There was a deep, horrible feeling of nothingness in my right leg. I tried to ask what was wrong with it, but nothing came out. I just shuddered, and yelled, and that hand was back, around mine, soothing my wrist, drawing out the terrible burning.

But another one was pulling on my other arm, and I tried to draw away. This one was adding to it, smouldering, shuddering, and I didn't want it near me. The other hand clutched at me desperately but I pulled away, sobbing, feeling the tears on my face and there was yelling, and the terrible grip was gone, and I relaxed. I felt stronger, exhilarated – it was easier to breathe – the hand on my arm was just so _warm – _and my eyes flickered open.

A mistake. The light was more painful, more searing than I'd ever imagined, and I tried to close them again but the hand on my arm tightened, and a voice… a voice… it sounded so broken… "Please Kyo oh dear god Kyo stay with me please don't go please please don't give up on me again – "

I felt myself let out a shuddering groan and forced my eyes into focus.

_Yuki._

I gasped, taking in a deep, shuddering breath. My arm shot up and wrapped desperately around his, and I felt hot, glowing tears on my face, but they weren't mine – Yuki's face was broken into a smile, and I felt my mouth twitch softly. "I love you," I murmured, and… Yuki's eyes widened with shock. His arm slackened. He backed away, calling to someone I couldn't see. The 'someone' ran into the room, and swam into vision in front of me.

His face sent me into the dark again.

_Haru._

* * *

When I woke up again it was Hatori sitting beside me. I heaved myself up with a wince, casting around blearily. He muttered something to a nurse, who came across, trickling a drink into my mouth. I gulped it gratefully, sinking back onto the cushions Hatori arranged behind me. I spent a moment taking deep, shuddering breaths before looking towards Hatori. His eyes were cold, calculating. He checked a chart in front of his face. "Hello," he said cautiously. "Do you remember your name?"

I frowned. "Yeah, why wouldn't I?"

Hatori's eyes were stoic. "Could you tell me it, please?"

"Kyo. Kyo Sohma." Hatori let out a sigh of relief.

"Thank goodness for that." He passed a hand across his forehead. "Kyo… you've… you've been asleep. For a very long time."

I rolled my eyes. "If you mean I've been in a coma, don't bullshit me. I'm not a damn baby." But the information had me reeling. Everything… all that… all that… it was just a dream? My voice became dangerously hoarse. "So… Haru isn't… Haru's okay?"

Hatori frowned. "Ask him yourself," he said, and beckoned to someone waiting outside.

Haru ran in. His arms wrapped around me, pulling me close, kissing me softly. "I've missed you, kitten."

Yuki was perched hesitantly on the side of my bed. "You nearly woke up once. Well, a couple of times. You nearly didn't make it this time. When Haru took hold of your hand you went insane." He smiled shakily. I said nothing. "But… you're here now."

I took a deep, shuddering breath. "Yeah. I'm back."

Yuki's eyes looked at me curiously. "Did… did you dream?"

I smiled softly. "Yeah. I dreamt."

His eyes were sparkling. "What… what was it like? Was it… a good dream?"

I thought for a moment, and smiled sadly. "Yeah. It was." We sat in silence, my eyes out of the window. I didn't know why, but even though Haru hadn't gone, I just felt… empty. Lost. Like… it was… strange…

Like before had been the reality, and now was just a dream. "Kyo?" Yuki whispered, and I looked towards him once more. "You scared us," Yuki murmured, and I suddenly realised… if that had been a dream, then Yuki… Yuki didn't love me. But… I think I still did. So… if Yuki didn't love me, why on earth was he here?

"What happened?" I murmured, and Yuki smiled shakily.

"You were out cycling. It was a truck. It… it hit you at 40 miles an hour. We didn't think you'd ever wake up. You had a 20 percent chance of survival." I laughed. It was bitter, horrible, choking, and I really shouldn't have found it funny at all, considering I'd nearly died. I saw Yuki shrink back, slightly afraid. I started to cough, and Yuki hastily poured me some water, before helping me drink it slowly. I shuddered at the end, looking at him with grateful eyes. I felt my heart burn at the cool, dispassionate way he looked back at me.

I never, ever thought he'd look at me that way again.

I looked away, throat tightening with a terrible sense of revulsion. I didn't want to look at him. He was breaking my heart. My hands fisted beside my legs, I felt my shoulders start to shake. "You can go," I said, and I flinched at my tone. It was so cold. So very cold. But I felt so hot, so very, very hot, and there were burning tears scratching at the back of my eyes.

"Kyo?"

"Don't say my name!" I felt my throat burning with the pain of shouting, and a wave of nausea washed over me. _Please. You can't. You said that name when you made love to me._

"Kyo?"

"GO!" My chest heaving, I turned my eyes to him. He was startled, but… his eyes were empty. Cold.

He was here just to be _polite. _And I _hated _it.

I don't know how long we simply sat and looked at each other, but Hatori burst in before we could say another word.

"It's Akito. He's… remembering."

**A/N**

**Okay… wow…**

**Um… this will eventually make more sense. I hope.**

… **Reviews?**


	2. Dreaming

**A/N**

**Umm… yeah. This is going to get confusing, very soon, and very, very fast. And if you watched Life on Mars as obsessively as I did it might make more sense, but… oh well. By the end everything will make sense.**

**I can dedicate**** this to Chaell, who is a wonderful reviewer (stop stalking me, dammit!) but I think we all know that without Rennie this would never be. So thanks, sweetie!**

**Dreaming**

Yuki was calling to me.

Yuki was… screaming.

He was screaming to me inside my head. He was begging for me to come back, saying he loved me, saying he needed me here beside him… and I wanted to say I wanted him too, wanted to hold him, but there was only a _bleep… bleep… _echoing in my ears and I felt him slipping away – through my fingers – and his voice, saying my name, softly, softly-softly, "Kyo, Kyo," and I couldn't hold onto that voice…

I lay on the bed, feeling the room's coldness wrap gently around me. I lay with my eyes shut, trying to remember what had been and felt so real only moments before. I tried to grasp at that sort of shadow in my mind, hold it, but it was slipping away and the world around me was just _interfering_, with _blips _and coughs and the rasping sound of shifting material and it was too late, and my Yuki was gone again. I lay for a moment more staring at the back of my lids, knowing that I couldn't call him back. The world around me was crisp and real again, and there was light nuzzling at the inside of my eyes and I gave up, snapping my eyes open and feeling my pupils contract at the sudden onslaught.

I heaved myself up, head spinning, and took a deep, long drink of water before slumping back again. I was still too weak to do much otherwise. I tried to remember what I'd been doing before I passed out – I did that a lot nowadays – but I couldn't, my brain felt sort of… fuzzy when I tried to think. Everything that I was feeling… it was just… weird, and I can't really explain what it was. My dreams were crisp and real, and thinking was fizzy, fuzzy, cold, sort-of numb. I heard the door click and found the energy to look vaguely in that direction, and felt the familiar gut wrench of something I hadn't quite understood as I recognised Haru's face. He smiled softly and walked forwards, running a hand down my face and kissing me softly. "Welcome back, kitten." I had to stop myself flinching at the name each time he said it; it felt incredibly _wrong _to have it spoken by someone who wasn't Yuki.

I smiled back, but I could tell it was insincere. Luckily for me, an insincere looked exactly the same as a sincere smile and Haru didn't notice anything. "What happened this time?"

Haru was running a hand softly up and down my side, his head nuzzling into my neck. "We mentioned someone's name and you went all strange, all tense, and then you passed out."

"Again," I grinned, but I was scared. Oh, so scared. "Whose name was it?" I whispered.

Haru shrugged. "We were having a general conversation, it could have been anyone." I closed my eyes; I would find the pattern. I would figure this out.

"What's happening to me, Haru?" I whispered, and he smiled gently, and for a moment – just one _second_ – I believed that everything would be okay.

"Nothing's happening to you, kitten. The doctors say you'll be fine. Hatori says you'll be fine. You're just ill, and you've been away for such a long time." He ran a hand across my back, pulling me into a hug. "I missed you, kitten," he whispered, and I could tell by the hoarseness of his voice he was telling the truth. The idea of him, sitting here beside me while I was sleeping… I'd done it to him. I knew how it felt. (But had that even been feeling?)

"Me too," I whispered, and the lump of guilt wasn't just the barefaced lie that it felt, but a hollow, empty residue from when I had sat where he was and he'd been where I am.

The only difference was that for me he never woke up again.

"Have you seen Yuki?" I asked, and I knew from the moment he frowned that it was wrong. I shouldn't have asked about Yuki. Here… wherever 'here' was, whether it was real or not, here I was supposed to hate Yuki. And he hated me. The look of revulsion on his face when I had said 'I love you' was enough to tell me that.

"Nope. He nearly came in earlier, but you'd passed out and we weren't let back in." He chuckled softly and cuffed me gently. "I wanted to be here for when you woke up, but the nurse said it would be better to leave you alone." He looked away for a moment, eyes wandering to the far wall. "Did you hear any of it? The stuff I said."

I nodded quietly. "I think I did. I think. In dreams." _It was all a dream, Kyo. You need to – you need to – _I need to what? I glanced over to a card beside the bed, and something about it made me frown. I reached forwards and a photograph fell out; I tried to take in the scene, and the information almost clinically flew back into my mind. Where was this? I loved this place. I'd first kissed Haru here. Where was it? Above the city… somewhere high, somewhere cold… yeah… I remembered… the leaves were crunching, and the frost was biting at my nose, but Haru had been warm and soft and it hadn't mattered that they could be seen, that they could be found, that they weren't supposed to –

"_Yuki. Yuki-Yuki-Yuki-Yuki-YUKI!"_

_It was cold, and this was stupid – they were out in the middle of public, someone could see them at any moment, __**damn **__that Rat and his stupid, __**stupid **__kinks, but oh – oh – the mouth – warm – hot – wet – he was kissing me harder, and the tree was hard against my back but I didn't care, because here, above the city, I was on top of the world, on top of the __**fucking **__world, and "Iloveyou" never could say it enough –_

_The leaves flew around our heads as we just let go._

– my eyes opened again. Haru was leaning over me, and his hand was tight and hot around mine, and he was whispering my name soothingly and clutched at me. The nurse was on my right, and I saw the syringe's plunger had already been pressed. Haru was refusing to leave, and when I flew a hand out to hold him close all I could think was _not Yuki, it's not Yuki, it's not Yuki – _but I still pulled him close. I couldn't be left alone to think again. Not now. Not now. Please don't leave me alone.

I looked back at the card with the photograph, and glanced inside;

_To Kyo, who always loved this spot. In hope anyone who sees this will have as many memories and as much love as I do._

I laughed bitterly and let the crushing blackness take me again.

* * *

… "_What were _you talking about?" The voices trickled back slowly, and I felt the smell of Yuki slip away again as I was hurled back into this world.

"I'm not sure… just general stuff. He saw the card and just lost it." Haru sighed. "What's wrong with him?"

Hatori – I recognised the monotony of the voice – sighed. "Lots of things can go wrong to people who are in comas, Haru. There was a point when we didn't think he'd ever wake up. The fact he has is a miracle, and the fact he still appears to think for himself is incredible. We can't expect too much of him. He's probably just traumatized, Haru. Don't worry."

I took in a deep, shuddering breath, and felt Haru shift and come closer to me. "Kyo?" he whispered softly, and I found myself searching for that softness, that lightness that Yuki always used – the way he'd rise a note on the syllable, almost melodic – but of course, it wasn't there. It never would be there.

"Hnn. I'm here," I muttered back, pushing myself up again and tilting my face towards the light. He smiled softly next to me and kissed me. I turned to Hatori and smiled at him. "Hey," I muttered, but the other was stoic as always. I suppressed the urge to ask about Yuki again before running a hand along the top of Haru's head and nuzzling into his skin.

Why was I so _selfish_? I'd just won back my love – my first love, my childhood sweetheart – and here I was, chasing a dream. Chasing something that didn't even happen. Normally people discerned between reality and dreams by feel – what was felt was real, after all – but I'd _felt_ and _loved _in both, and I just couldn't understand anymore. I doubted Yuki would be coming back now anyway, after the way I had screamed at him. But did I even want him to? Knowing that he was _wrong_, knowing that he wasn't my _Yuki_. Knowing that he didn't love me. "How are you feeling, Kyo?" Hatori asked, and it was a stupid question. An icebreaker.

"I want to go home," I croaked, knowing that they wouldn't really understand what I meant.

"I know you do, Kyo, but you're ill. You can't."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't fucking patronise me, Hatori. I'm not _ill._ Ask me your name and I'll tell you it. Ask me the twenty-six letters of the Western alphabet and I'll recite them. Ask me the capital of Luxembourg and I'll tell it to you! I'm not _ill_, and I'm just wasting everyone's time here."

Hatori's eyes were grave. "There's a difference between knowledge and wisdom, Kyo," he murmured, but pulled his coat over one arm and walked to the door. "I'll see what I can do."

Haru was looking at me with incredulity as Hatori left. "What is the capital of Luxembourg?"

"Luxembourg. Now. Shall we shut up and ask stuff about you for a change? How have you been doing? Who are you living with?"

Haru smiled. "I'm still at the flat." _Didn't balls it up like I did, then. _"I've been doing some work at Yuki's school – " _Some things you can't make up. _" – and… I've been visiting you."

My voice was hoarse as I asked him. "And… there's been… no one… no one else?" The sheer hypocrisy of the question nearly made me scream.

He looked away. "No. Never. I was waiting for you. I knew you'd come back to me."

_At least one of us did. _"And… Akito?"

Haru looked at me. "Well, after Yuki got Hatori to wipe his memory, nothing's happened. Apart from what he told us the other day, and that was probably just coincidence." _**Yuki **__got Hatori to wipe his mind? I thought that was me! Bloody cheek, stealing all my achievements. _I almost laughed.

"But… Haru… what if he does remember? What if he tries – what if he tries to – "

Haru silenced me with a look. "He's not going to. Don't worry about it. There is nothing wrong with Akito remembering his mother's name." _His mother that until six months ago none of us even knew existed._"Don't worry, sweetheart. I won't let him break us."

_You don't need to, Haru. I've already done that. _I smiled, but it was empty and hollow. "I know," I muttered. "I'm scared," I whispered, and Haru smiled.

"Silly kitten. There's no need to be." And I wished it was anyone but him saying those words to me.

* * *

Hatori had been right. It had been painfully complicated to get me discharged – and even after weeks in this damn place it was only now that I was able to heave my sorry arse out of bed far enough to walk out to the visitors' lounge and back. Still. Every day I was getting stronger, and every day I could walk further, and every day I was remembering why I loved Haru again that little bit more.

And every day I was pulling away from the Yuki in my dreams.

I didn't know what to let go from. The Haru, who was _here _and _real _and _loved _me, or the Yuki who was exactly the same and yet just not as close. And as for the Yuki here… I'd only seen him once, and he hadn't looked me in the eye. And it hurt, it hurt more than it had to hear him say my name. It hurt because it felt like he'd betrayed me, and I didn't know why.

But it was Yuki that came to pick me up. It was Yuki who carried my case as I walked to the car. It was Yuki that caught me when I fell, and when my lips brushed painfully close to his neck and I so nearly kissed him it was Yuki's arms that adjusted my position and pushed me into the car.

It was all so _confusing_.

* * *

I'd never really understood Yuki's motives. I'd never really understood what made him choose, made him love even when he'd been in love with me. He was too complicated, too broken to even make a start on. I pushed my hand against his chest once, to see if his heart was beating, and felt his pulse flutter at the touch before he pushed me away and didn't speak to me for a week.

But this level of consciousness – this level, wherever it was, when sometimes I'd be watching TV or looking in the mirror and there was this flash – just this quick, silent flash – and I saw Yuki's face, staring at me, begging me to wake up. And every night, as I lay beside Haru – I still hadn't really explained why he couldn't make love to me – I tried to, I tried so desperately to fall back into the stupor, to go back to Yuki – but it always felt like there was something holding me down here, trapping me, a bird with clipped wings.

I should ask Kureno about that.

Where had _that _come from? I stared at the ceiling accusingly, before closing my eyes and trying to get back to that place again. I knew I wouldn't.

And that was probably the only thing that was holding me here. My utter and complete belief that I was stuck here, and I'd lost Yuki.

Forever.


	3. My Yuki

**A/N**

**Rennie is ill, people! We must send her much love and glomping-ness! This one's for you, darling, just because you feel rubbish and YukiKyo angst is good for the soul.**

**(Sad is happy for deep people, after all.)**

**Anyways, here you go, another angst fest, because it's all I feel like writing. So screw me.**

**My Yuki**

Haru has always been the sort of person who is _rubbish_ at hiding what he feels. Not many people notice it – I suppose you have to know what you're looking for – but once you know it's there it's too damn easy. Sometimes, I wish I didn't have this stupid ability and then we could act just like a normal couple (ha-de-bloody-ha) and have secrets from each other. He didn't even bother to hide it from me when I walked in. "Akito said your name today."

I stood at the doorway, my head resting on the frame. "Akito?" I murmured. Haru nodded. "Did he… she… say anything else?"

"No. But she tried to hit Hatori." Haru's eyes were glazed. "Kyo, she's waking up. She's remembering."

I slumped down beside him and stared at the wall. "Why now?" I whispered. "Is it my fault?" Haru didn't bother to insist not because we both knew that it was a possibility we had both considered. He let his head fall forward onto my shoulder and although I felt deeply disgusted by the contact I didn't brush him off. "What do we do, Haru?"

"We wait. And we see. It's all we've ever been able to do with Akito."

* * *

The weirdest thing about the whole situation is that in the long run I suppose I got what I asked for. When I was… whatever… and Haru was asleep all I wanted in the world was for him to wake up and be okay. Nothing else mattered as much as that because Haru had always been there for me – Haru always knew what to do. And here I was, perfectly healthy, totally in love and Haru was back.

I was just in love with the wrong Sohma.

It hurt. It really _hurt_. Yuki would always be so nice and cold and distant and angry whenever I saw him, and he'd always smile and say my name – and that _burnt_, it actually tore me up inside because he'd said that name when he came. He'd said that name to me every night. He'd said that name when he loved me.

And the _real _Yuki – the one of my deepest dreams – was fading. I could feel it. Occasionally I'd see a flash of silver _just _on the corner of the screen and I'd just get my stomach ripped out and tossed on top of my heart as I was torn apart again. I'd have told someone, but who was going to believe the things I saw in the corner of my eye?

Haru kissed me. It felt so horribly wrong I ran into the bathroom and threw up. I made it out to be aftershock, but I haven't let him hold me for so long he _knows _something. He's starting to suspect. And I can see that it's breaking his heart.

* * *

Hatori removed another complicated piece of equipment from my forehead and scribbled something down. "You're all done," he muttered, and disinterest took him again. I nodded, turned away and began to pull my shirt on again.

"Hatori…" He looked up. "People in comas… they dream, don't they?"

"You'd know better than me." He paused for a moment, pen resting against his bottom lip. "Supposedly. You know what the theories for dreams are. Did you?"

"I… I think I did." I looked away. "I had a whole life, I think… but it's less than a memory now. Just feelings, and weird flashbacks and stuff like that." _And Yuki, _I thought to myself. "Will… will it fade away?"

"It depends on whether you want it to or not, Kyo. Whether you find something to hang on to." His eyes were cold and grey.

"Was it real?" I asked quietly.

"Only you can tell me that, Kyo," he said softly, and I turned away, walking out of the room.

"Hatori?" I murmured from the doorway. He looked up again. "Am I… everything's going to be alright, isn't it?"

He didn't know whether I meant my head – which the countless tests he'd run on me had proven that yes, everything was fine – or just… generally. Akito. "I don't know, Kyo. I don't know."

* * *

"Kyo."

I looked up and smiled. "Hey, Yuki," I said softly. His eyes were colder than I'd remembered.

He walked over and sat beside me, and I knew he was watching me. I let him. It wasn't as if I could touch him… change him. Make him the proper Yuki. "You're upsetting Haru."

"Why?" I couldn't drag my eyes away from the way his lips slid over each other when he spoke. It felt wrong, but I still couldn't stop. Ever.

"He says you've changed. You're different."

My eyes were dull. "I've just been in a coma for seven weeks. Yes, I'm different."

"What happened, Kyo?" His voice was so quiet and soft it broke me more than shouting. Yuki never shouted.

"I had a dream, Yuki. That's all it was. A stupid dream, and it's over now, and I'm sorry to have worried you or Haru."

"It was so much more than just a dream, Kyo, and you fucking know it." His eyes were glittering with anger and hatred but it wasn't the Yuki in front of me –

It was _my _Yuki.

I tried to speak to him, I really did, and I know it'll sound all rubbish and cliché but I really couldn't reach him. Was that because he wasn't real or I just didn't _believe _enough?

Or it could just have been that Yuki was kissing me.

The _other _Yuki. The cold, harsh, manipulative, _real _Yuki was kissing me and it felt every bit like _my _Yuki felt like but a million times better for no real reason. And – _oh god – _I'd forgotten how it felt. How wonderful it felt. His hand was wrapped in my hair and he was pressing against me, and his face was soaked with tears. "Kyo, please don't go back. Please. Stay with me."

I pushed him away. "Don't," I muttered.

"Don't what?" he croaked.

"Pretend you're him."

"Who? Kyo, what is _wrong _with you?"

"YUKI! You are not Yuki and you _never will be_!" I couldn't stop trembling, even when he came close and pulled me into the hug I'd been craving for _so damn long_. I reached up and kissed him because he meant everything to me and I didn't, couldn't, _wouldn't_ stop.

"You're shaking, Kyo," he said quietly.

"I'm so…"

"Happy?" His eyes looked sad, even if he was smiling. Yuki never smiled like he meant it. Not even my Yuki. "Do you have any _fucking _idea how _horrible _it was, to sit there like that and have to _pretend_ that you were going to be okay? And when Hatori said that you'd never, ever wake up again? How much you _hurt _me, Kyo, you just _hurt me _and I can't take it any more."

"I'm sorry," I whispered, and I wished he didn't always believe me. I was an idiot, and I didn't deserve anything he gave to me. "And I do know."

"How? How can you possibly – "

"Haru was dead," I said softly. "In my… dream. Haru was dead. It was an accident, just like mine, only I woke up. And yeah, so I do know how it feels to sit and clutch at someone's hand and think that you'll never see them smile again."

"I had to pretend," Yuki muttered. "I had to pretend and comfort Haru and pretend I was _boring _Yuki, not _caring _Yuki, 'oh it's just the stupid Cat' Yuki when I just wanted you to wake up and be okay. You broke both of our hearts, Kyo." He placed a hand against my chest and whispered. "Both of them."

"I love you." I placed my forehead on his shoulder. "I mean… in the dream, you were all I had left…" I traced my fingers down his side, shuddering, my hand shaking. "And I loved you so, so much, and then I wake up here and _you _hate me and my Yuki is _screaming _in my head for me to come back – and Haru, Haru who I had to _switch off _like some _game_ is alive and happy and loves me – " I choked. "But I love you, Yuki, and that's wrong, and I know it's wrong, and I don't want you to love me." I sat up, angling my face away. "I want you to go."

"You don't," Yuki said quietly. Damn Rat. Always right.

"No." I raised my head, and my eyes were full of tears. "I want you to make love to me again, and I don't want you to ever let go of my hand or stop kissing me, but I'm… I'm with Haru. I'm all he has, and I've already broken his heart once."

"It's mine or his, Kyo," he whispered softly. His voice was choked.

"Don't make me make that decision, Yuki, because I couldn't choose." I closed my eyes and dug a fist into my eye. "I don't want to have to choose."

"You don't love Haru, Kyo. Doesn't that decide for you?"

"No." I couldn't look at him. My eyes were on the floor. "I can't be that selfish. It's not just me anymore."

"So who do you choose, Kyo?" Haru asked quietly. I shuddered, feeling Yuki jump from beside me. "Whose heart are you going to break?" When I looked up I half expected him to be Black but he was just sad.

"Mine," I said softly, and pushed past him softly and walked out onto the street and into the road.

**A/N**

**Cliffie. Wooh.**

**This story is finishing sooner than I'd like. Ah well. More angst to come.**


	4. Home

**A/N**

**FOR CHAELL. Whom I GLOMP. –runs off evilly to do so-**

**Home**

When I walked away I didn't look back. I could hear Yuki's crying in my head, but I knew it was from long ago. Now, right now he'd be staring at the door, silent tears, whispers in the night. And what about Haru? _What about Haru? _Would they console themselves together and move on? Are they strong enough to live without me? How can I _do _this to them again?

The Yuki inside my head as screaming at me to come back. He was quieter. I was dying, there, wherever it was. I was giving up. Here too. I just… I just wanted _Yuki. _But which one? How can I choose between them?

I can't. I can't pick. But I'm running out of time and I still don't know what's real.

The wind rippled through my hair. I looked down. I couldn't see the bottom. I jumped.

* * *

I woke up with a shuddering gasp as machines went insane around me. Yuki's hand clutched onto mine and I _knew _where I was.

I was home.

"Oh God, Kyo," he gasped, tears streaming. "Thank God you're back. Thank God you're home!" He kissed me angrily, hands balled in my hair, rubbing behind my ear just where he knew I loved it.

"I love you," I gasped, and he laughed, pulling me into a hug.

It was real. _He _was real. But it felt every bit as real as the other world had done.

* * *

_Yuki_

* * *

I watched him stuff his clothes in his bag. "I'm fine, Yuki. I just want to go home."

"Kyo, you were in a train crash, you can_not _just waltz out of this one!" His eyes were wild and I felt myself go numb with fear.

"I have to get out," he muttered. "_I have to_." I couldn't stop him – he threw me aside – but I hurried after him. The sun glowed on his skin as he looked up to the sky, but he was crying. I wrapped my arms around him and he held me. "Sorry to do that to you, Yuki," he whispered into my hair.

"It's okay. You're back. I just… first Haru, then you…" He flinched and looked away. He started to walk towards the gates.

"I think I'm going crazy, Yuki," he whispered. I felt myself reflexively rub an arm, but his were limp beside him. "I… in this place, Haru's still alive."

I growled, "Stop it," I muttered, but his eyes were on the floor. "Don't."

"Haru's still alive, and you're there, but it's not you…" He sighed. "What do I do, Yuki?" he whispered. His hands clenched beside him. "Who do I choose? Whose heart do I break?" he was beginning to frighten me. I moved towards him and his eyes went wide. They rolled into the back of his head and he crumpled onto the floor as I screamed.

* * *

_Kyo_

* * *

"Clear!" someone yelled and a horrendous pain rushed through me again. I felt my whole body spasm and I desperately tried to breathe, cough, _anything, _but I couldn't. It hurt. "Stay with me, Kyo," an unfamiliar voice muttered, and I heaved in a breath before everything went black again.

* * *

Yuki and I sat silently as we drove in the ambulance to the hospital. A broken rib, mild concussion. I'd jumped off a building and could walk away.

I almost hadn't, though.

Yuki watched me jump. Yuki held my hand. Yuki took me close and spoke to me and cried on my face. But he didn't understand. I couldn't explain until the nurse had left, Yuki's face to the floor but his hand resting on mine. He didn't look at me when I said his name, but he kissed me gently and closed his eyes. His hand traced along my face and I shuddered, I truly shuddered. I couldn't help wonder what would happen to Yuki if I died. Neither… neither of them would cope long without me. "Yuki…" I whispered. "I didn't… I wasn't. I couldn't!"

His hand burnt. He raised it and slapped me, and it was painfully loud. My head had turned and now looked out of the window. I stared and cried at the children playing in the grounds. I hadn't been Inside since Akito imprisoned me, a lifetime ago. "I love you, but I swear if you do that again I will _never _forgive you."

I bowed my head. "I'm sorry, Yuki. I'm going to tell you everything."

* * *

He looked at me as if he didn't quite know whether I was sane or not. It was entirely disconcerting and completely terrifying. I sat numbly and just waited for him to speak. "That explains a lot," Yuki said quietly. I laughed. He smiled. The relief was almost disconcerting, and I felt my whole body relax. "I always thought you were completely mad, but this just confirms it."

"Can you see, though?" I whispered. I took his hand. "I can't… I can't…"

"Because the Sohmas are such a screwed-up family a love triangle won't do," Yuki muttered quietly, grinning. "We get a love pentagon, with alternate universes where two of the five are the same person and there's a dead sixth person." He rested my forehead against his, and closed his eyes, shuddering. "I don't know… I don't know, Kyo. I only just got you back. Hell, I didn't have you in the first place." He kissed me, so gently, just pressing once before his lips peeled away. His hand rested on the side of my face. I gasped a rush of hot air and passed a hand in front of my eyes.

"I jumped off a building today, Yuki," I said quietly. "I think I know how fucked up this all is."

"Can I ask one thing of you?" he said quietly.

I looked up, heart fluttering. "Sure," I murmured.

"Will you… sleep with me? Just once." I wondered how he could be so direct. His eyes bore into mine deeply, and just… I remembered everything. _Everything. _And I couldn't let his hand go.

"Please," I replied. "I can't exactly cheat on anyone with you, as the only person I'd be cheating on is you." He laughed, moving forward, kissing me again. I felt slightly relieved, my shoulders shuddering for a moment, before my hand wrapped around the side of his neck.

Hatori stopped us.

"It's Akito. She's taken Haru."

Yuki clasped his hand across his mouth and whispered "It's all my fault."


	5. Sleep

**A/N**

**Okay. 'Tis the BIRTHDAY OF RENNIE. –glomp- Have a wonderful day, darling, here's your pressie!**

**(Also for the wonderful Chaell, who needs more love from me. –ahemguiltyahem-.)**

**There. Is. ****LEMON. INSIDE.**

**(Title nicked from MCR, because I can't stop loving them.)**

**Sleep**

What do I do?

Either way, I break Yuki's heart.

* * *

Yuki was staring at Hatori with a violent fear in his eyes that truly scared me. I felt my hand reach out and touch his arm but it was a limp touch brought on by terrified sympathy that he might have done something terribly wrong. "Yuki?" I asked quietly. He looked at me with a horrible burning anguish and I pulled him into a hug. He was shaking and his tears were streaming down his face.

"What have I done?" he whispered, his voice laced with fear. I squeezed him harder, staring with terror at Hatori over his shoulder.

"We need to go find Haru," Hatori said desperately. I nodded, but Yuki shuddered and burrowed into me further.

"What is it, Yuki?" I murmured, but he pressed his face into my chest. "What's so terrible you can't even tell me?"

"You'll hate me," he whispered. He was shaking with terror. He pressed me closer, frightened to let go.

"Hey," I whispered. "I could never hate you." I wanted to mention the time he kicked me out, but I remembered that none of that had ever really happened.

"It's my fault, about Akito," he whispered. "It's all my fault."

"How could it be – ?" I closed my mouth. "It's you," I muttered. "You're the reason she's remembering us."

"I'm so sorry, Kyo," he sobbed. "I went to see her and she was just so sad, so terribly sad, and broken, and with you in hospital I thought _I can't let anyone else die, I just can't_, so I sat with her and I talked to her and I held her when she cried and I'm so sorry, but one day she just called me by my name and I'd never told him my name, not ever, and I thought that I just couldn't ruin you and Haru, not again, so I ran and I didn't tell anyone and now she's remembered and she's taken Haru and she'll kill him and it's all my fault!"

I pulled him closer even though I was burning with anger that he'd let everything we'd worked for slip away. But I understood, and that's what kept him held onto me. I understood that this was Yuki and he didn't just let people hurt. He had to help them, because he knew how it felt. "It's okay, Yuki. I won't let him hurt either of you." I pressed my face into his head. "Any of us." Hatori fidgeted beside me and I glanced across at him. "What happened?"

"I couldn't find Haru anywhere, and then Akito. I presume they're together, but…"

"They will be," Yuki whispered. "She blames Haru for you wiping his mind, because it was your relationship that made me do it."

"We have to go," Hatori said, eyes flickering nervously. "I'll call Shigure." He walked out.

"Why did you do it? Why did you make him forget?" I held him away to look at him and Yuki shuddered quietly in my arms.

"Because I saw you with him and I knew that you just loved him. And I loved you so much I just wanted you to be happy. Hatori was so scared but he knew what you felt and – " Yuki frowned for a moment. "Chick flick moment," Yuki grinned, and I laughed, pulling him close.

I pressed his mouth closer and he burnt hotter next to me, biting at sucking on my lips desperately. His hands wrapped around my neck and I rested mine on his hips. It was every bit as wonderful as kissing my Yuki, and he was sweet and soft and I suddenly felt beautifully, wonderfully in love and I never ever thought that this could be wrong. He pulled away and rested against my forehead, breath whispering between us. "I… I think I love you," I whispered. He laughed, hand running down my face, but I pulled away, looking at the floor.

He paused for a moment. "We'll discuss why you think that's so wrong later, but now we need to save Haru." He pulled away, turning around stiffly and walking away. I was filled with a sudden fear, and I ran after him. I grabbed onto his arm but he shook it free. "Don't, Kyo," he snapped, and walked out after Hatori, leaving me utterly alone.

* * *

Haru was unconscious on the floor, Hatori hovering by the doorway. I stood in the middle of the floor, my fists balled beside me. Yuki stood behind me, his eyes boring into Akito. He hadn't spoken a word to me since we left. "Akito, please," I said softly. "Please give him back to me."

Akito's eyes were wild. "Akito," Hatori murmured softly. "Please. You don't know what's going on and I understand that, but don't hurt Haru."

"Get that freak away from me!" she screamed, finger waving towards me. I didn't so much as flinch, I was used to it. But Akito's eyes were past me, boring into Yuki, and I felt him waver and shake behind me. I didn't dare glance back.

"Who am I?" she screamed, her eyes staring wildly at Hatori. "Who are any of you?"

"What do you feel, Akito?" Hatori said softly.

"Angry," she spat. "And I hate him! And you! And I want to hurt him!" she snarled, kicking at Haru. My whole body tensed.

"I won't let you," I said, but she seemed not to hear me. I took another step towards her, my finger coming up in front of me. "I won't let you hurt any of them."

Silence descended. This hurt more than before, because I felt totally helpless; at least before Akito hated me. Recognized me. Now, this… thing was not Akito but she wasn't anyone else either. And I couldn't do anything to stop her. Akito I knew, Akito I could defend myself against. This person was just sad.

The door closed behind me. Her eyes went wide. She ran silently across the room and pressed into Shigure desperately. He pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her. The moment was so quietly intimate I had to look away. Hatori quietly gathered Haru up and Yuki followed him out. I caught Shigure's eye for a moment; he nodded slightly and I closed the door and walked away.

* * *

"Akito drugged Haru," Hatori said, undoing the complicated-looking strap around Haru's arm. "It's nothing serious, but he'll be out for a while." He looked between us for a moment. "You can sort things out," he said. I glared at Hatori for his incredible lack of subtlety but he'd already left.

"Let's go home," Yuki said quietly. He turned away without speaking to me again. I moved after him silently, hands balled inside my coat pocket. His trim suit showed off his beauty and I couldn't help but stare; he caught my eye and cast a single, embarrassed yet disapproving look as we left. I grinned behind my hand and followed him out; I reached out, flattened my hand and slapped him on the arse. He couldn't believe my vulgarity and neither could I. He stood and gaped at me as I winked and began to run, and I heard his steps behind me, getting closer and faster and then I slipped on the wet ground and skidded along. I scrambled to my feet but his hands wrapped around my wrists and pinned me to the wall. His face was desperately close to mine and after a moment of grinning insanely at each other our smiles slipped and we simply stared. One… two… three… his head slammed forward and he kissed me desperately. I could feel his shaking and I knew he was hurting so much and I didn't know whether I could save him. Either of us. I wrenched my hands away and dug into his hair, pulling his face closer to mine. Unfortunately that terrible moment came and we broke away for breath, gasping at each other.

"Let's go home," I reiterated. He smiled at me and pulled away; we held hands until the end of the alleyway, at which point his hand dropped beside him. We sat silently on the train and the bus and when we walked alone but it was a beautiful, sacred silence; a holy silence that descended between us and was too wonderful to break. When we got into Yuki's flat – it would feel too _wrong _to go back to Haru's and mine – we stood and caressed each other for a moment, and I smiled, and he smiled, and he folded into me softly, perfectly, wonderfully.

We sipped at wine and it felt just like Yuki and mine's first date; candlelit dinner. I suppose, in a way, it _was _our first date. But the carnal thing inside us took the naivety away, and the simple radiance from Yuki almost had me crying from the intensity of it. He slumped against me on the sofa, his back along my shoulder, sprawled across the couch. "Will you talk to me now, Kyo?" he whispered. "I want to help you."

I sighed, head dropping backwards. "When… when I was… well, whatever I was, in a coma or whatever, I had this… dream. But it didn't feel like one at all. It felt so real, and in it…" I took a deep breath. "It was just like here. I was with Haru, but… he had an accident. Just like mine." I frowned for a moment. "Exactly like mine. And… I felt so lonely. And you were there for me. And I fell in love with you. Him. Whatever. But I came back, or whatever, and I find that Haru's here, and you're so in love with me, and now I'm in love with you…"

"So how does that make this wrong? You're cheating on me with me. That's not bad." Yuki tried to smile and make it all alright but I could see that he was struggling.

"But I went back to where I was before and I spoke to my Yuki. And he's still there, wherever _there _is, and he misses me and he needs me." I sighed in a shaky breath of air. "And there, he doesn't have Haru. Haru died. He doesn't have _anyone._" I looked at him sadly. "I can't abandon him, Yuki. I can't."

"Make love to me," Yuki said.

"Are you listening to anything that I'm saying?" I snapped.

"Yes," he said bluntly. "And I've realized now that you'll never choose us over him, and I want something to hold onto while you're here. So that when you leave me I don't drive myself insane with the pain of it. I'm in love with you, Kyo, and this is the best you can do for me."

I felt a deep ball in my throat. He was right… right… and I couldn't… I still couldn't…

He took the decision for me, pulling my mouth close and kissing me gently. I didn't say 'Haru' or 'what about – ' like I should have done, I just wrapped my hand around the back of his neck and used the other to softly undo his trimming shirt. He ran his hand under my shirt and ghosted across my stomach, exploring, taking me. I tugged his shirt off and pressed my hands into his neck again. He pulled away, hands tugging off my T-shirt desperately, scuffling on my belt, and my nails scrabbling on his own trousers. I muttered his name desperately and he laughed, tugging off his own tie and wrapping it around my neck as he kicked off his trousers and pulled me into his bedroom. We clashed together again and he pushed everything else away and we fell onto the bed with nothing but him and I and our mouths and his hand on my hip and my hand on his neck. He pressed as close as he could to me and groaned. I shuddered at the incredible noise and pulled him into me. He danced against me and I moaned, desperately, and he laughed again. "Now," he groaned, and I nodded, pulling him up towards me, kneeling on the bed. "_Now_." He wrapped his legs around me and began to move down and my hands tightened on his hips.

"Wait," I gasped. "Please." I lay him down on the bed. "I want to treat you like the little virgin uke you are," I grinned.

He groaned as my hand lapped across his stomach. "How do you – _oh _– "

"Alright, you got me, I just love watching you squirm," I grinned again. I pressed our mouths together and ran my hand up the outside of his thigh, pausing at the small of his back. I watched his face closely as I squirmed one finger inside; his desperate whine told me everything I wanted to know. I dropped my forehead onto his shoulder because I couldn't bear to see his face. A second finger; stretching, scissoring. I was so glad I had done this because I could feel that he was hurting, but if I hadn't he'd be hurting so much more. I probed, because I needed him too badly. I probed because I had nothing to lose. He was shuddering and breaking beneath me. Third, and he was broken, but his hands were clamped against my back and I pulled him closer to me.

"Now," he reiterated with a gasp, and I nodded. I kneeled again, pulling him up with me.

He straddled me and began to me. "Don't stop looking at me," I whispered, and he nodded, resting his forehead against me. I felt his whole body tense and his heart rocket at the pain but his eyes were trapped inside mine. My hands gripped against his hips and I leant forwards, kissing and muttering and stroking and I felt him tensing and moving his hips around me. He arched his back suddenly and I had the breath ripped out of me with a filthy moan. When the white light stopped dancing around my head I saw Yuki staring at me through glazed eyes.

"Are you – are you – "

"Oh god yes," I gasped. He grinned wickedly and rotated his hips once more and I keened, head falling back. I forced him back, and he whined as I shifted inside him. "Shh," I whispered, pulling him close. "Please, oh god, please – " I pressed into his hips and slid forwards. He stared up and past me and groaned everytime I shifted my hips. I surged forwards and he cried out, screaming, arching and oh God – I lost it – I lost to Yuki –

He didn't ask anything more before he fell asleep. I didn't know whether I wanted him to. I lay there and held him in the dark, guilt and fear and sadness gnawing at me. How could I desert this beautiful, sad man? How could I?

_How do I choose?_


	6. Letting Go of Your Dreams

**A/N**

**KyoYuki song for the day: I Don't Love You – My Chemical Romance.**

**(You'll see why it's so appropriate for this soon.)**

**RENNIE AND CHAELL, I LOVE YOU.**

**Letting Go of Your Dreams**

"Hey." Yuki smiled gently as I rolled over, yawning. I propped myself up on one arm.

"Hey," I yawned. I leaned over and kissed him, his eyes fluttering in bliss. "The last time I woke up like this your brother was lying there. This is significantly better."

Yuki grinned, trickling his fingers over my hop. "I hope you were better dressed than this. Not that you don't look gorgeous as you are, but I know my brother's taste in men and I might start to dislike you."

I laughed and pulled him into a hug, him rolling over and curling happily inside of me. He let out a rushed sigh and I kissed his head. "How you doing?" I asked softly.

"Sore," he murmured. "But you're worth it."

I kissed his neck gently. "Glad to hear it," I whispered.

"Mmm…" he sighed, yawning, stretching his arms out and wriggling against me a little. He was next to me. Warm. And he was _next to me._

"If only all my days could start like this," I whispered.

"Hmm?" Yuki asked.

"Nothing," I murmured and kissed his neck again.

He tried to roll over inside my arms but I held onto him tight. "I can't kiss you this way," he whined.

"I can hold you closer this way," I whispered.

I felt him tense under my arms. "I'm not going anywhere, Kyo," he said quietly. "It's you that's leaving."

"I… I can't leave you," I whispered. "I'm going to stay with you," I said firmly.

"Don't make promises you can't keep," Yuki said, wriggling away.

"I never break my promises," I murmured. "And I'm never going to leave you."

Yuki sat up, shrugging me off. "Did you say that to Haru?" he asked quietly.

I felt my chest begin to burn. "Yuki. Don't be like that. I didn't want to fall in love with you – "

"What, so you're saying you _regret _it?" he snarled.

"No, I'm saying that I didn't want to hurt Haru. I loved him. I still love him. But I love you so much, Yuki." I sat up and kissed his shoulder, but he shrugged me off. "Why are you doing this to me?" I said desperately.

"I don't want this to hurt as much as it will. Just go, Kyo." He still refused to look at me.

"If I go out of that door it's going to be under one condition. And that's when I believe that that is what you truly want. And right now, I don't think you do." I ruffled my hair desperately. "Look, did I wake up in Haru's bed or yours? Did I make love to Haru last night or you? Did I say Haru's name when I came or yours?" I saw him flinch. "Don't do this, Yuki. Please don't."

"You know how it feels now," he spat bitterly.

"Yuki…" I whispered.

"You hurt me, Kyo. You hurt me so fucking much but I just ran back for more because I _love_ you, and I can't forget you, and nothing will _ever _mean as much as you do to me right now. And then you tell me you're in love with someone else? Someone who to me doesn't exist? I'm jealous, Kyo, of course I'm fucking jealous, but most of all I'm hurt, and I just don't understand why you _do _this to me if you love me so much!"

"I do love you," I croaked. Yuki laughed bitterly. I forced him to look at me and simply stared at him for a full thirty seconds; he still couldn't look me in the eye. I reached forward and kissed him, my tongue in his mouth and my teeth on his lips, softly-softly, pressing gently. My hand wound up his back and rested on the back of his neck, and he sighed in a rush against my lips. I shuddered and pressed closer, and when I pulled away he looked _delightfully _ruffled. "I have to… I'm going to see Haru," I said as I stood up, pulling on my clothes. "I've made my choice, and I'm not ever, _ever _going to leave you." I bent down and kissed him gently, ruffling his hair before walking out and sliding the door behind me. Yuki was staring out the window when I left, but his hand ran against my leg as I walked away and I knew that he believed me this time – for better or for worse.

* * *

I let myself in, dumping my coat on the sofa and walking into the kitchen. Haru was sitting quietly at the table, staring at the cup of tea in his hands. I took a shower at Yuki's so I wouldn't smell of sex and sweat but I knew this was a mistake; I smelt sickly-sweet from the shower gel, and it told Haru everything he'd feared was true. "Hi," I muttered, cluttering around with some cups absently.

"Where were you last night?" His voice was hoarse and sad.

"Out," I said casually, spooning instant coffee into a mug.

"Oh," he said quietly. I walked over to the sink and poured some water into the kettle, making a big thing of the clattering noises. "Who with?"

"Just some friends," I muttered. I saw his hands tense around the cup momentarily as I turned on the kettle.

"Which friends?"

"Just leave it, okay?" I snapped, and winced. I never shouted at Haru. We waited for the kettle to boil in silence, and my hands were trembling so badly when I poured it I was scared I was going to scald myself. I turned around, stirred it three times and then leant against the side, taking a sip, my eyes staring at the floor.

"So. This is it." Haru's voice was broken.

"Yeah, this is it." Silence descended over us again. "I'm so sorry, Haru," I croaked.

"It's okay. Just go." I put the cup down, walking over to my coat. I slipped the key off my ring and placed it on the side. It was painfully loud. I shrugged on my coat and made for the door, but froze halfway. "Did you ever love me?" he asked quietly. He still hadn't moved, hands clenched around the cup.

"Yes," I whispered. "Once. In a dream." I opened the door and quietly slipped away.

* * *

On the way back to Yuki's flat I felt strangely sick, having to stop and lean against the wall momentarily, my head spinning crazily and my vision blacking out for a moment. My heartbeat thundered in my ears but it wasn't _my _heartbeat, it was the _blip-blip _of a machine I knew all too well. The words '_he's already gone_' echoed in my ears painfully loud for a moment, before I recovered myself and struggled on. I practically collapsed into Yuki's doorway and I felt his arms clasp around me in fright and a yell of "Kyo!" before everything went black.

The place I went to was black, too. Apart from my body, lying on a hospital bed. My Yuki – the first Yuki – was sitting by it, his hand clasped loosely on mine. _"I'm sorry, Kyo," _he whispered.

"Why?" I asked, but he couldn't hear me. I put my hands forward but I was trapped by glass – the same glass I'd looked through as Haru was turned off, in my dream or whatever; I remembered the odd crack in the top right, the mould near the bottom edge. "Why are you sorry?"

"_You haven't moved for weeks. You can't breathe on your own. You haven't responded at all."_

My stomach filled with dread. "No, Yuki, please tell me you haven't…"

"_You're dead, Kyo, and it's breaking my heart to come see you like this. I'm sorry. I failed you. I should have helped to make you better. I should never have let you go outside." _He smiled sadly. _"But you looked so happy… I'll never forget that. I'll never forget you."_

"No, Yuki, don't give up on me! I'm still here! YUKI!" I reached out and pummelled onto the glass, pounding desperately. "YUKI!"

"_I've given my consent. They're turning off the life-support."_

"NO! YUKI, YOU CAN'T GIVE UP ON ME! NOT AFTER EVERYTHING!" I was screaming but I just couldn't reach him. I felt myself start to cry.

"_It's already started__. You… you've already started slipping away, I can feel it. You're not you anymore."_

"No," I sobbed. "Please, don't give up on me, _I love you_."

"_From what I've seen of life, I'm not sure if there is a heaven, but I'm sure you're already there."_He leant over and kissed me softly once again. _"Goodbye, kitten," _he whispered hoarsely. I could see his tears, and I just wanted to hold him.

He had gone.

I clutched at whoever was holding me as everything faded into nothing, and the final thing I choked out was "Please don't give up on me again."

**A/N**

**There is another chapter. It's even **_**more **_**angsty.**


	7. Promise

**A/N**

**Random KyoYuki song for the day; Sugababes - Change ooooh and Busted - 3am.**

**I have to admit, I probably rushed this more than I should have. I wanted to start my KeruYuki.**

**Uhh… Rennie… don't kill me, 'kay? –scurries into reinforced bunker-**

**Promise**

_"P-promise me you won't go away again. No matter what." My words were muffled, but he still understood them._

_He smiled at me. "No matter what."_

_I can see why he deserted me._

_I **promised**._

_To Yuki, I'd never, ever break a promise._

* * *

"It's okay, Kyo," Yuki was over me, clutching at me desperately. "I promise it's going to be okay, I won't give up on you, but please, c'mon, don't do this to me, open your eyes again, okay? Hatori's on his way, but please, I want you to see me, please, I have to see you again – "

I let out a sleepy groan and writhed slightly, pushing into Yuki sleepily. "'Morning," I murmured, wriggling into his arms.

And then I remembered when Yuki started to cry.

"Hey," I muttered, beginning to wake more fully. "Don't cry, it's okay!" I pulled him into a hug, and he was crying underneath me as I rested my head on his.

The Yuki in my head was silent. He was gone. I'd lost him forever.

But the Yuki here, wherever _here _was needed me, and from the horrible pain shooting through me and the tears welling up behind my eyes from his crying I knew that I loved him. I'd fallen in love four times in my life… whatever happened to third time lucky? I'd settle for fourth, if I could… God, I was so lucky. I had been given four chances, and I'd blown nearly all of them. "I'm so sorry, Yuki," I whispered into his hair. He clutched at my shirt desperately and flew up, kissing me angrily, all teeth and blood and savagery but I loved it, _I loved him_, and I couldn't believe he still wanted me after all the shit I'd put him through, but I sure as _hell _wasn't going to lose him.

"I thought – I thought that you'd gone again – " he whispered, burrowing into the crook of my neck.

"No. I'm not leaving you again. Not like that." I paused for a moment. "_I promise_."

Hatori ran over, a little perturbed to see us both lying on the ground, my lip bleeding, Yuki's shirt stained with mud and blood, but he was satisfied we were both conscious and lucid. He did some minor checks, looking into my eyes. I just said I'd fallen over and blacked out and Yuki had panicked, and no, not a recession, and no, I hadn't hit my head. "I'm fine, Hatori," I said calmly, and he glanced at Yuki, who was still curled up in my arms. "We're both fine," I reiterated, a tad angrily, pulling Yuki closer possessively.

"Alright," Hatori said carefully, standing up and looking at us warily. Yuki hadn't looked at him the whole time, his face in my chest. Hatori glanced towards him, and I nodded, pushing Yuki away. He looked at me warily, but I nodded towards Hatori's car, and then stood up and walked towards it. We both watched him go, my heart burning with guilt and wanting to be closer to him even though we'd barely parted. "Does Haru know?" Hatori murmured, pretending to pack things up. I squatted down, trying to help him.

"Yeah," I murmured quietly. "He knows."

"I'd better go check up on him," Hatori said as he straightened up.

"Tell… tell him I'm sorry, alright?" I said as he walked away.

Hatori paused and looked around. "Right now, I don't think he'll even want to hear your name, don't you think?" I opened my mouth but nodded, bowing my head as Hatori walked to Yuki by the car.

* * *

We drove back to the flat in silence.

Yuki sat me down without a fuss, moving quietly into the kitchen, pouring me out a cup of tea (with just a hint of strawberry, my favourite). I sat down on the sofa, my elbows resting on my knees, head hanging low. I smiled and took the mug off him, sipping at it gently. He sat beside me and sipped at it silently. "What happened?" he asked finally.

I looked up sadly. "He gave up on me," I said simply, smiling brokenly. "I don't blame him," I said hoarsely. "I know… I know how it feels, to sit beside someone and not even know if they can hear you…"

"Yeah," Yuki said quietly. "Me too."

"But…" I whispered, and wrung my hands together, placing the tea down on the table.

"You love him," Yuki murmured, and I nodded, looking at him with sad eyes.

"Yeah," I whispered. "So fucking much. The idea that he's hurting… and this time I can't see him. I can't save him." I sighed, rubbing my forehead. "It hurts." I closed my eyes. "I can only hope… he'll find someone who loved him as much as I did. Do."

"So…" I looked over at him, but his eyes were on his feet. I looked away. "Will you stay?" he whispered hoarsely.

I looked up and smiled. "Yeah, I'll stay," I murmured. His face broke into a wavering smile, and I felt my own mouth twitch in recognition. "I didn't realise, Yuki, but… in the end… I guess there was only you." I smiled. "There's always only ever been you."

I reached over and kissed him softly.

My happy ending.

* * *

This was too fast.

It wasn't happening.

_It wasn't fair._

The gun was on Yuki. All I could think was that it can't be Yuki, it can't, I can't live without him, I can't lose him again, I just _can't, _I'll break, shatter into a million pieces on the cold wooden floor, but the gun was still on him and the finger was inching towards the trigger.

"Please, stop," I whispered, looking at my God with everything I had. "Don't take him from me."

"You are a monster, and deserve to be punished," Akito said, her eyes frighteningly hollow. Beside me, Shigure was on the floor, bleeding, dying for all I knew. His eyes were staring up at our God with sadness.

"I tried to save you," he whispered, voice bubbly with the blood seeping through his mouth. "I tried to fix you. I'm so sorry, Akito."

"He," Akito snarled, swinging the gun towards Yuki, "_Took everything from me._ He turned you all against me!" she yelled. "She was right! She was right! The bond n-never was there, it broke so easily – "

"Akito, I'm still here, please, don't – "

"Shut up!" she screamed at Shigure, gun wavering for a moment as she turned her manic eyes onto him. Her fingers shifted on the gun. "I'll kill him!"

"It's my fault," I shouted, looking over to Yuki, trying to find a way for him to get out. "Don't blame Yuki, it's _my fault_!" Her resolve was resetting; I could see it in her eyes. She was focussing on Yuki, and he was going to die in front of me… I couldn't lose him, I couldn't…

The safety catch was unbearably loud.

The gun fired.

Someone screamed "NO!"

Everything went horribly silent.

* * *

_Yuki_

* * *

He came out of nowhere; I didn't see him jump. A blur of orange. He slammed into me and clutched onto me desperately.

His whole body spasmed in perfect synchronisation with the gunshot.

I screamed out loud. "NO!" Hatori was standing behind Akito; he gently prised the gun away, and she fell to the floor, her eyes glassy. She crawled across and curled up inside Shigure's form; the Dog was unmoving, unconscious, dead? I couldn't tell…

And Kyo was bleeding in my arms. I wrapped my arms around him and clutched at him desperately, whispering reassurances I couldn't keep into his ear, begging him not to leave me… I rolled him over. His eyes were glassy. His lips were cold as I kissed him. "No…" I whispered. "I can't live without you… I can't… you know that…" I screamed a long, hard yell. "You can't _do this to me_!" Hatori had finished attending to Shigure and had run over to me, pulling Kyo from my arms. I screamed and shouted and thrashed but he lay Kyo on the floor, beginning to check for his pulse, listen to his breathing… I couldn't keep up with everything that he was doing, I tried frantically to, but he was moving so fast and it was just _too much_ –

"He promised he wouldn't leave me," I whispered to Shigure. My hands were covered in his blood. "He promised he'd never leave me again."

* * *

_Epilogue_

* * *

_I smiled, reached over and took hold of his hand. He was lying on the bed, his heartbeat reverberating around the both of us. He shifted uncomfortably against the pillows, the harsh metal irritating his bandage. His eyes were focused out of the window, somewhere far away from me. "Do you… do you think everything's going to be okay, now?"_

_I smiled, leant over and kissed him softly. "Yeah," I whispered. "Everything's going to be fine."_

**A/N**

**I'll leave it to you to decide whether the Epilogue actually happened, or whether it was just Yuki's dream.**

**Thanks go to Chaell, RENNIE, XOoPunkPixieoOX, loretta357, ShinigamixGirl, vermillion violet and Rem10124 for all their support, thanks for reading.**

**(Will go write KyoYukiKakeru now.)**

**NOW WORSHIP ME. XDDD**


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